“I’ve got to decide that I’m smarter than I think I am,” Mr. White, “or I’m not going to get accepted to Milton Academy.”
So began a conversation with a student of mine, Debbie, who was hoping to get into Milton Academy, a prestigious middle and high school in eastern Massachusetts. This was not an easy feat—Milton is very selective. And it’s tuition, to boot, was in the stratosphere.
Debbie’s problem was that while she was certainly intelligent enough, she didn’t act it and her grades didn’t reflect it.
“Just how smart are you?” I asked.
“Oh, average,” she answered.
“How smart would you have to be to get in Milton Academy?”
“Smarter than what I think I am right now.”
Well, this fascinated me. Debbie actually understood that she had the intelligence and capacity to go to Milton Academy. She also knew that neither her grades nor her behavior demonstrated it, and she knew why – she didn’t think she was smart enough to aspire to a higher goal.
Wow—talk about understanding your problems! This kid was totally in tune with her own mental barriers. She just needed someone to help her who believed in her more than she believed in herself. I told her she had to begin by simply reminding herself every day that she’s smarter than she currently thinks she is.
“Say it to yourself when you brush your teeth, when you get on the bus to come to school, when you enter each classroom,” I advised.
I also had Debbie embark on a “Restorative Force Program” – something we invented while talking about the changes she’d have to make to prove to herself that she is smarter than she thought she was. She was going to act in “restorative” ways that would make it easy to decide that she is smart enough to get into Milton Academy, and with a scholarship.
The upshot of the “restorative program” is that she accepted tutoring and joined a study group instead of hanging out with her friends in the gym during study period. Debbie turned her attitude about her intelligence around that year, and the following year she got a full scholarship to Milton Academy.
As so often happens when I help someone, the benefits were on both sides of the teacher’s desk. Debbie was inspired to decide in favor of herself, proving the power of believing that you’re smarter than you think are. I was inspired too – ironically, to LEAVE teaching and start my own business. I’d never believed that I was smart enough to do that! I just needed to bowl over old NO’s and decide in favor of myself, like Debbie did!
Thank you, Debbie, for helping me learn a very valuable life-lesson. Convincing myself that I am smarter than I think I am is an act of self-niceness that continues to bring many rewards.
Think of the beauty of deciding that you are smarter than you think you are. Can you remember a time when you did this? Will you share it with us?
Thank you and Blessings
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WHOO… crazy. Did you write this one for me??? HAHA. I feel like Debbie ALLL the time. I just wish I had a few good words of wisdom to make me stop acting like a ditz for the last 1/4 century
. I can totally use this starting NOW. My biggest pet peeve is people who try to stick me into a category that makes them feel like a big wig. It’s always the smallest most insecure people who make me feel dumb too. Whenever I come across people who try to stick a label on me… I KNOW they are just insecure themselves. Debbie beat that back before she got to where I am. She’s probably a Lawyer now simply because she had a little bit of confidence that led to a little more, and a little more. That’s what I’m working on now. I wish I had started my own ‘restorative’ program back in the day. But I’m taking the speed reading course to catch up and I will burn the candle at both ends until I graduate with Honors! 
… Thanks Rob. it’s never too late to start thinking I am smarter than I think I am!!
hi Kara. I love the ‘Restorative Program’ you’ve created for yourself. If courage is not allowed to show itself in your action, it becomes fear. When courage is allowed to show itself, fear disappears. You are a courageous woman. Thank you
Hi Rob,
. What I really appreciate is the background and foundation you are giving. There are things that you just can’t make up. I would have thought you took a course with Tim Ferris. There is a funny thing that happens to me, I only take people seriously when I can put myself in their shoes. No matter how different our circumstances and lives are I always try to put myself in someone shoes. Like, when Admiral Stockdale was a POW. I read his story in “from good to great” (No need to explain, I’m sure you have read that one!) He said: You must never confuse faith that you will prevail in the end—which you can never afford to lose—with the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.” (wikipedia it for all you lazy people 
) As you know there is more to the story than that. But given the extreme circumstance he went through, I found myself asking, how would l I respond? I think I would have come out of that POW camp shaken, but not stirred… I think we have to have faith that we have the strength to confront any hardship we are faced with. I say, bring it on! The more I am challenged, the more I’am fired up to come out of it smell’n like a rose with a big- ass shit eatn grin! Keep going my friend. The more I learn about you the more I trust your rantings.
I’m really enjoying this series of insights into your life. You just might have another book in you yet
Hi Pat. Because in my house there is not a skylight that opens to the WHOLE SKY, I can only offer bits of my life, one at a time – different circumstances that taught me how to drop out of old patterns of negative self-talk and reactive behavior … and start a new way of life. Apparently Tim Ferris is your super teacher when it comes to helping you step away from your repressive habits of living. I’m glad I can offer a few humble tips to help you. It takes great courage because it requires saying “NO” to all the NO’s that caused the problem in the first place. Doesn’t it. (We all have repressive habits, Pat. Otherwise we’d all be super heroes!) Blessings
Hi Rob. Good good stuff here. I’ve come to realize that the best we can do is to offer up our own life experiences as a way to teach. I raised two daughters. That was no easy task. There is an astronimcal distance between “do as I say” and “not as I do.” People have to make their own mistakes. A good parent or teacher allows them to do just that without judgment or repercussion. My own parents took a hands off approach to parenting and let me make many, many, many dumb mistakes. The lesson and values they instilled in me were essentially things I had to teach myself. When you allowed Debbie to be “smarter,” she picked herself up by the bootstraps and did the essential work. Had you pushed her too hard, she would have resisted and never figured things out for herself. In my moments of doubt as a parent, I feel vindicated that I gave my daughters room to mess up. Lord knows, I’ve messed up a bunch… I feel that we all learn the best from those who are unguarded, human and willing to share our mistakes and transgressions.
Hi Georgie. YES, we learn best from others when they share their lives and offer lessons they’ve learned from their own experiences. One thing others appreciate from you when you offer a life-lesson is your enthusiasm when you share it. Thank you
Hi Rob, “Keep your eye on the prize” is one of my favorite sayings when times get tough. It could be the execution of a project or the successful raising of a child. Whatever it is, I believe we succeed and things go more smoothly when we keep where we are going in mind – then the speed bumps are easier to glide over
hi Julie. YES, keeping your eye on the prize is wise advice. Any tips we know to help us stay focused is always a friend. Right? Thanks for dropping by.
You won’t believe, Julie! I wanted to pick out the same quote!)
That’s great! I use that one all the time too. Sure its a cliche… but it is a cliche for good reason. In my darkest hours as well as my most inspired moments I just keep reminding myself to just keep my eyes up. Don’t get too high… don’t get too low… just keep your eyes on the prize! Thanks for sharing that Julie and Miranda.
Hey Brother Man. Sweet ROAR show.. It’s all in the eyes, YES! They never lie. That is one thing I’ve realized. I can just look at someone in the eyes and I know straight away if they are true dudes or confused souls. Either way, I make it my mission to accept them equally. We are all in this together. We are the same ball of atoms and intellect at the end of the day, aren’t we? So, I say when our eyes are directed we just breathe to the rhythm of our own heartstrings. When our eyes our foggy and darting this way and that, we don’t know which way is up. I mean, Debbie directed her eyes and got down to business. When I direct my eyes I feel the soulness of the universe and accept everyone as they are. I am happiest when I forget about myself and my ego and truly serve others. When I think I am “smarter” than I think I am, it really means I am “dumber” than I think I am. It is those times when I am willing to be dumb and be humble that I learn the most about myself and about how I can I can give it up and just be there for everyone else. Ego is so boring.
Hi Rus. ‘Keep your eyes focused and dance to the rhythm of your own heartbeat’ – I like that. It is also interesting that when we are fully aware of what we do not want in life, it is much easier to keep our eyes directed on what we do want. Funny how that works. Thank you
Yes, I do get the sense as well that many people are conscious of the deeper potential within them, although many (and I’ve been one at times) are intimidated by just how magnificent that potential is and what a sense of responsibility they might develop if they became fully conscious of it.
Hi Chris. Are you fully cognizant of your unlimitedness? I’m still working on that one. The real riches come when we study ourselves, looking for hidden treasures (hidden talents, buried skills). Blessings
Hi Rob. I love and hate this story all at the same time. I’ve been in Debbie’s shoes but nobody ever gave me the benefit of the doubt. Instead of believing I’m “smarter” everyone in my life has just made me feel more and more inadequate. If I had one word of encouragement in my impressionable years I wouldn’t be living from pay check to pay check just trying to make ends meet. I think it’s too late for me to start with a clean slate, but I am chipping away at the ‘stinkn thinkn’ that makes me feel like a frumpy old maid! I want to believe that the best is yet to come for me, but the pressures of being a woman that is over the hill and fading rapidly (according to the Jersey Shore House Wife mentality) makes things seem impossible. It’s tough out there for Women like me. Positive affirmations are not enough. I may be smarter than I think I am, but I know I am getting old and gravity is taking over. There are no words of encouragement that can combat the rules of gravity and time, are there?
Hi Alicia. Indeed with age, gravity gets a better grip on our body. However, life never takes anything away without offering opportunities for something equivalent or of better value (in this case, – wisdom, peace of mind … you decide). Thank you for your truth.
Very touched by your post Rob and also by the comments you’ve received so far. Alicia speaks of the rules of gravity and time, and those rules exist, of course. But what I find going on in my own life (and I’m 80 so that gravity and time are having an effect) is that the option of a “restorative” response is always present no matter what our external situation.
As a for instance, I find that while there is definitely a bit less physical agility I’m becoming more conscious than ever of the timeless joy of my own spirit, my own true nature.
Hi Christopher. You are a wise man, and you have the years under your belt to prove it. As we get older we develop inner efficiency that allows us to act in more effective ways out here on the planet. Have you noticed that? Thank you.
Hi Rob. Great message. I got ya. I suppose we all have limitations. I have trouble reconciling all the self-help pablum with reality. At some point, Debbie had to realize she will never be Einstein or the first woman President (or 7’3″ .. whatever the case may be..). But it is safe to say, she probably has a very fulfilling happy life. How do you come to terms with your own limits?
Hi John. You are more intelligent than your challenges. Keep in track with that fact and you need not worry about keeping in track with your own limits. Nice question. Thank you
Debbie sounds like my daughter to some extent. She knows that she is intelligent but does not believe that she is smart enough to try out for a higher goal. She also does not feel that she is up to the pressure of being at the top. She tells me that those who top the school have to put in extra work and she would rather have more play time. And so she holds herself back.
I am not about to exert pressure on my daughter to strive even more, so that she can be at the top, but I have been asking her to put more effort on her weaker subjects. I believe that once she is aligned with an inner-directed goal, she will put her heart and soul to it.
hi Evelyn. You have taught your daughter that she is someone who cannot be made or broken by the opinions of others. If it is to be, it is up to her. You have done a great job. She we unfold marvelously. Blessings.
Hi Rob,
Excellent post my friend and excellent example from Debbie. Deciding that we are smarter than we think we are is crucial if we want to achieve our goals and aspirations in life. When we decide that we can and deserve to get our super-objective, the path becomes a lot easier. This proved true on many occasions in my life like attracting the woman of my dreams. I made a solid decision that I deserve to get a beautiful women (inside and out) and that it is not a hard goal. Once I started working with this idea for about 9 months, she showed up into my life. It is about convincing our subconscious mind that we truly deserve the best of the best in any area of life. The same goes for when I increased the money that flows to me, building harmonious relationships, becoming happier etc… Thanks for sharing my friend
Hi Dia. Indeed, when we understand that we are worthy of receiving all that is good and beautiful, we can see that we are deserving of receiving our super-objective – like you have proven in your life. You are an example for others to follow. Thank you