This week Rob shares his favorite one-liners that take him from WOE to WOW. It is simple but it is not simplistic. Listen to the audio companion of “Paint it Black, Please.” Rob takes the conversation deeeper on WROAR.
There they were, 60 freshly painted white doors with black trim in my thirty-unit apartment building. Great job. Except for one minor detail: this was the opposite of what I asked my maintenance guy to do. I specified BLACK doors with WHITE trim.
I don’t usually fly off the handle, but this mix-up really torqued me. My first impulse was to chew him out, but the BPOR (Better Part Of Rob) took control and said, “take a walk.”
So I headed across the street to stroll around our local pond, stopping first to pick up my indispensable advisor and walking companion, Shakespeare. A fluorescent green, 12-inch Amazon parrot, Shakespeare sits on my shoulder during walking excursions, ever on the lookout for things I should REALLY pay attention to.
As we rounded the bend, Shakespeare leaned toward me and gently nibbled on my ear (that’s his way of telling me to look at something.) I ignored him. He nibbled a little harder as if to say, “Yo stupid, there’s a magnificent cardinal sitting in the birch tree). I still ignored him. He nibbled way harder and made his point: I had a choice of enjoying a moment of beauty and serenity, or I could stew in my own anger and fantasies about dressing down my maintenance guy for his mistake.
I walked another hour, listening to Shakespeare and focusing on the wonders of the pond, including a beautiful swan that sat peacefully on the mirror-smooth water. At the end of the walk, I’d recovered my usual peaceful state of mind.
To a mole, sunshine is bad news. Shakespeare does a great job of letting me know when I’m being a mole. What happened was that I stopped chanting “WOE is me!” by granting myself the inner freedom I needed to look at the world from a very different perspective. Like magic, as my mood transformed from angry to grateful, it changed the world around me.
Here’s what learned from this little adventure:
- When I’m inwardly ill-at-ease, I don’t see life as it is. I see life as I am at the moment
- When I elevate my mood from “Woe is me” to “Wow, look at the beauty around me,” I elevate my problem from gloomy to easily solvable – let’s just repaint the doors and trim again.
- Just as a helium balloon rises higher when excess weight is dropped out of the basket, my mood rises higher when I drop the excess baggage of WOEful thinking from my mind.
By the way, when I met with my building manager the next day, he’d already taken the personal initiative to correct half the mistake – he and the crew worked overtime and finished the doors. All that was left was the trim.
Funny how life can work out if we give it a chance, isn’t it? The mistake can oftentimes be undone without a lot of drama.
Can you share an angry to grateful transformational moment with us, and tell us what you did to make the transition? We’d love to hear from you.
Thank you and blessings
Post Script:
Dear readers, you may notice I am refining my style in this weeks blog. I have omitted my usual “Shout Outs” and “Illuminating Tips” in favor of a more editorial style of writing and story telling. Please let me know how it works for YOU! Please take the time to take a very quick 6 question survey. Your feedback is sincerely appreciated. Click here to take the survey.
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“Best Comment of the Week.” This weeks best comments come from sylvia and Tinu. Thank you for your heartfelt sharing. See their comments here. Illustrations by nick
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Ha ha! I think you may be the George Carlin of self-help. With one-liners like those you should be writing sitcoms! But, seriously, I like you dose of humanity. I feel like I’m getting to know you. For me, my favorite “one-liner” that gets me through anything and everything is: Take it easy. It does me a world of good when I can just relax into life and let things be. You may not suspect that I can be a bit of a control freak. I want to make sure that anybody around me is feeling peace, joy and ease. Sometimes I get worried that people are uptight and anxious and I work hard to make them just relax. I get so worked up about getting others to relax that I forget to relax! Crazy, huh. And what good is it if I’m a ball of tension. Everyone senses tensions and agitation on some level. So, I figured out that the best way to be my word and my purpose is say over and over again… take it easy ( in a mindful, breathing meditative voice.) Love the Shakespeare story by the way. My pet iguana, Iggy has the same effect on me. I look at him lazing on his hot rock and just emits a “take it easy” state of mind that the Buddha himself would be envious of!
Thanks Rob… peace and love, peace and love AND … take is easy.
hi Rus. you had a lot of good things to say here. “Take it easy” … that’s a great one. Do you know what happens when we really take it easy? You catch yourself in the secret recesses of the mind where answers to life struggles are found. Thank you
My story can be called “paint it black” too. I recently hired a property manager, someone who’s job it is to do what I always did …better than I did it. It’s an interesting space for both of us as I tell him he needs to optimize the properties to get the best income…and I need to get out of his way. Perhaps you can understand letting someone else do better the thing you thought you did best? Anyway, it’s a growth opportunity.
I bought black, wrought iron planters for in front of the front windows on a victorian house. I told him to paint a 2 x 4 black and attach the planters to it so they would be removable. He suggested the 2 x 4 be painted white. My reaction (remember I’m touchy here anyway) was “I said black”. and he said, “white matches better” and I looked at the window and said, “you’re right” paint it white then. And it’s already done…which is why i needed a property mgr. to begin with.
My one liner is borrowed from Gilbran’s nephew “together in love we are divine” that seems to do everything for me.
Hi sylvia. I love your down-to-earth story. Heartaches are conquered when you truly believe that ‘together in love we are divine’, sylvia. Why? Because you access a higher part of you that is free and apart from heartaches. Thank you
Hi Rob, I sometimes have experiences where I am stewing about something, and suddenly I look up and see the tops of the trees, and I remember that I live in an extraordinarily beautiful place and that, if I’m really paying attention, none of my concerns can ever overshadow the gifts I have that are worth celebrating.
hi Chris. When you see the top of the trees, you allow yourself to fall away from your worries and angers. The truth will catch you, and set you free. This is the message you sent to me. I like it a lot. Thank you
Hi Rob. I had to laugh at this one because that is the exact kind of mistake I could make on the job. I do stupid things like that less frequently these days but everyonce in a while I loose focus and slip up. I’m only human, right? There was a period that I couldnt get through a week without some kind of major screw up. In hindsight the onus was always on me, yet I managed to shift the blame back on the client or my hired help. I’ve simply learned how to be 100% responsible for any work I’m involved in. It makes a big difference in all aspects of my life. Taking responsibility for everything not only improves my professional work, it also reinforces my family duties and goal to be a great dad for my kids. You got a good maintenece guy. I would have done the same thing. It doesnt matter if you screw up as long as long as you take responsibilty and make it right. My one line truism that never lets me down is “measure twice, cut once.” It’s an oldie but a goodie. Thanks for all your help. I could not have started to think this way without your guidance.
Hi Roger. ‘Measure twice, cut once’. That is ‘doing the work before the work’; taking care of the inside work before going out into the world and taking action. Great addition to the blog. Thank you
Hi Rob, I love that there is a Shakespeare. I once had a black cat by that name. These days when some enormously frustrating experience shows up, I lean down and look my Mastiff, Magic, in the eyes and tell her what’s gone wrong. Inevitably if I take just 10 seconds to look her straight in the eye I realize how dumb my problem was – no matter what it was. There is something about the nature of an animal that lets me see just how silly we humans can be, getting all excited about meaningless things that have nothing to do with the joy of just being. Now that I *know* inside that fear is nothing but something showing up to bring my attention to something else, I can take the physical feelings like anxiety that come up and say,”Why is this here right now?” That way it’s put in its proper place and I can actually learn something from myself.
Ha ha! That’s so funny Julie. I used to have a black cat called Magic. Boy, he was something! To this day, I still wish I had half the insight and wisdom he had in his own little cat lifesapan and his own little cat world. When I think back to his way of looking at the world it makes me think that my greatest achievementl in life would be to just become that relaxed about life.
Anyway, I like your one liners Rob. What works for me in my life is: KISS = Keep It Simple, Stupid. Look into that one. I think Tim Ferris gets it, and Mitt Romney gets it. Hey, I know its kind of shallow, but I need a solid base of simplicity to figure out what works for me and what doesn’t. Leave it to me to make things complicated… I think your job as a self-titled Guru is KISS. Let people figure out the rest on their own. (llike tim f.does for me)I like your new direction here today and with the radio show. My only criticism is that, is Shakespeare for real? or just made up. I guess it doesnt really matter. metaphorically speaking I GET IT loud and clear.
Hi Pat,
I like KISS, but I like to say, “Keep it Simple, Silly” rather than “Keep it Simple, Stupid.” When I call myself stupid, I call upon the negative forces of past NO’s to prove to me that I am stupid. I personally find no progress when I am too rough on myself, and unfortunately, ‘stupid’ is a word that I heard a lot in my early childhood. Just a personal note about that.
Yes, Shakespeare is real. I will be doing a book with him soon: You Can Fly As High As You Want To Fly. To Fly Higher You Must Listen Higher.
It seems that Tim Ferris is your hero these days? There are two ways to live: the right way & the nutty way. If Ferris helps you find the right way – then continue to absorb the lessons he offers you.
Blessings
Hi Julie. That is a great question: “Why is this here right now?” The whole world is insisting on a reason that it is here right now … but when we discard what the world-voice offers, we find an incredible insight available. There is the gift. Thank you for reminding me of this. Blessings
Hi Rob,
Wonderful post!
It reminded me of a transformation that happened to me just this morning. It all happened very quickly. I woke up and I was suddenly feeling very anxious about the work I will be doing in the upcoming week. I quickly became objective about the anxiety and told myself it was nothing to become attached to as it would pass. I also told myself I would enjoy today and just be mindful, enjoying the day moment to moment. So far, it has worked really well!
Hi Hiten. Being mindful is a great help to living joyfully, isn’t it Hiten. Think of the beauty of the word ‘mindful’. If life won’t let you succeed, being mindful will. Thank you
I liked your article. How we react to things are choices. Happiness is also a choice. We select our emotional states. In the same way we can choose resentment and anger, we can choose peace and contentment. Just takes a bit of training.
Hello Atlanta Life Coach. Welcome! Ah YES, the power of choice. The road to ruin is making bad choices. The road to the kingdom is making good ones. The trick is knowing the difference, isn’t it. Thank you
Yay! Shakespeare saves the day!
You have a good friend in that bird. He wont let you down. I wish I had a confidant like that in my life. I don’t have a surefire way to lift me out of my WOEs. I crawl out eventually but feel like I get bogged down there for too long. When I confide in any of my girlfriends they just want to gossip and give me some half-hearted advice they read in a positive affirmation book. There have been times that I got so fed up with myself that I just snapped out of it. I specifically remember a couple months ago I was heading down an all too familiar pattern of melow-drama with this guy I was dating. Most definitely turning into something very dramatic very fast. WOE for sure! BUT instead of continuing down the same road the thought of putting myself through that crap again was enough to make just muster up the gumption to SEVER the CORD. And boom… just like that, I called him up and said, “I cant do this anymore, its OVER!” It was really tough to break the pattern, but it was most definitely a transformational moment for me!
Hi Kara. You are a woman who has the gumption to sever the cord. You have proven this over and over again. You get so much more out of life when you severe the cord than when you don’t, don’t you, kara. Thank you
Hi Rob. You are very benevolent! I would have flew off the handle! Stupid mistakes rankle me to no end and keeping my composure when stuff like that happens is a constant challenge. Believe me, with the amount of interns I have coming through the door everyday is an opportunity for me test my patience!
The good news is most of the screw ups are minor and they are willing to learn. The way I get over it as I try to reframe my frustrations into opportunities to impart some good old fashioned business wisdom. One minute I’m ready to lash out, but when I calm myself and take a deep breathe I all of a sudden take on the role of a wise teacher. And that feels good, fulfilling and its kind of fun! To be able to teach some lessons that I know will benefit them for the rest of their careers is actually an honor.
Hi Carol Anne. I like the soft way that you reinforce the lessons that I offer in the blog. your comments are always filled with compassion. The chief crime we commit against our mind is to refuse to become wise. You need not worry about doing that. Blessings
Hi Robert. I’m too old and life is too short to get bogged down in anger. With old age and perspective very few things manage to get me angry for too long. I think those heavy, negative WOES are like poison. Dont get me wrong. There is a big difference between have a passionate lust for life and getting worked over stupid things. I pull myself out of WOE by simply considering where I am expending my energy. There is only so much one can do in a day or in a lifetime for that matter. As my inevitble demise comes nearer, I only have time for the WOW that makes me feel my oversoul and the infinite extent of my relations.
Hi Salty. I like your distinction between ‘passionate lust for life’ and ‘getting worked up over something’. Inner liberation is a condition of mind where we no longer get ourselves all worked up over something, isn’t it. I like it. Thank you.
Oh boy. I can get down in woe and not come out for weeks on end. I mean, my divorce has been like a year long slump that I am still battling. It’s peaks and valleys of WOE and WOW these days. It’s a bit of an emotinal roller coaster everyday and I’m never quite sure if the day will bring WOE or WOW. I hate not having control over which side of the bed I wake up on. I work hard to stay up, but when I’m down I just cant see the light. I’ve got to adopt some oneliners that work for me. I love the idea you had of just tapping it up on the bathroom mirror. I think its a good tip. I just hope I don’t wake up so grumpy that I simply pull them off and flush them down the toilet. Thats how caught up I can get in my WOEs. I’ll give it a go and let you know how I do. I like the “success does not come and go, it is always available.” I think thats perfect for me these days!
hi Joan. Because you are so very receptive to the truth these days, there are a lot of good tips that you are absorbing these days. Greater days are right there in front of you, aren’t they. Thank you
Hi Rob. Nice story this week. It helps to hear that we all get caught up in stupidity and feeling sorry for ourselves. I do it all the time. My favorite one liner that I always find myself saying is simply: Stop Whining! It’s so simple, but it makes me see how lucky I am in life. Afterall the buddha does say that the greatest miracle is to be alive! When I tell myself to stop whining I immediately see how fortunate I am to have my health, a home and everything a person could possibly need. In fact, Stop Whining is so effective that I get angry at myself for being such a baby! I hate it when I put myself in a position of weakness like that. I know artists have to suffer and all that, but I don’t like it when I start getting worked up about the vagaries of life. Its life and life only, ya know. Who has time for that BS… I have work to do! The WOWful work of creativity!
Hi John. I also hate it when I put myself in a position of weakness. The key point is that I do it to me; no one else does it to me. if I do it, I can undo it. Now that’s worth knowing, isn’t it. Thank you
YO check it — the BETTER Part OF MAgic is always hanging low and slow (and to the LEFT). It just needs a little inspiration to spring to action!! HAHAHAHHA. Yo R – you killn it with these stories. Thats what I’m talkin bout. Just keep things on the level and MAD real and the people set up an LISTEN. Thats my secret to success… just tell shiz like it is. Thats all a good comedian does…. just SEZ what everyone is thinking! Life is simple — JUst TELL it like it IS and you got USELF an ETERNAL audience!!! Yo — My grandfather is like that. You know the SHIT my Dad Sez guy… that coulda been my GranPAPA. He got no time to beat around the BUSH (BUT I still like to HAHAHAHAH!!!!
). ITs just BOOM – Say what you got to say and SHUT the F up and go get me my mashed peas and sambucca… HAhAHAH … You gots to meet the man. He’s HILARIOUS. NOw, straight up I dont get down in the WOE stuff… I go from high to HIGHER… and if I aint feelin HIGH I just grab a NAP!!! Thats the secret to life… Get youself a NAP when you feel WOE and you wake up feelin WOW. HAHHAAH.. PAX out ROBBOBOBOB
Hi Magic. It sounds like your grandfather doesn’t beat around the bush, just like you don’t beat around the bush. The real part of you falls in love with life when you don’t beat around the bush, right Magic? How do you know when you’re not beating around the bush? Blessings
Hi Rob, one thing retirment has done for me on the positive side is to just be able to sit and listen to my thoughts. I really had no idea how much mental-detritus was floating around in there until I took a meditation class. For instance, after breakfast I really have nothing to do. I used to rush off to the office, arrive in a tizzy, put out some fires and say good morning to everyone. I was very busy and very distracted. Now, all I think about is myself. I’m not sure if that is healthy or bad. I’m a little worried I’m becoming self-absorbed. Before retirement I felt most alive when I was helping others or mentoring some new blood coming through the doors. Now its all me. Its good and its bad. I finally have time for me, but now I just try to get out of my own head by absorbing myself in nature, or finding a new hobby. I feel like when I say WOW look at the beauty around me, I am just kidding myself. I’m going through transformations everyday and trying to make that transition to the next level, whatever that is. I think I feel the best when I am simply working for the benefit of others. When I don’t think about myself I feel the most alive. I just need to figure out how I can do that again now that I am retired.
Hi Georgie. Being able to sit and just listen to your thoughts. That is a treasure. When you sit and listen, make room for truth. A pool of pure water is waiting for you. Thank you.
I recently put one of my favorite books on my cellphone. When something comes up that is disturbing my thinking I first work at just walking away…or recently so many people have been unloading on my their fears and negative thoughts from political ads….and I just say in my mind, “this person is very afraid” If they are going to go on and on, I will then walk away…but sometimes I can not get their ideas out of my head…so I take some deep breaths and then turn on my book on cellphone and just read a page or two and I am transported into the beauty of the words.
I am learning this election cycle that sometimes I need to be kind and lovely just to myself and just let the other person figure it out. I can not fix anything or inspire if I am doing violence to myself.
Hi Patricia. When you do psychic violence to yourself, you cannot give yourself permission to soar as high as you want. Psychic violence is darkness, isn’t it. We cannot use a dark thought to find a world of bright living; oh how i know this. I like your method: turn to good text when bad emotions are taking you over. Blessings