Learn how to “Ask Healthy Questions” that will take you from WOE to WOW when you’ve been taxed by advertisty! It is simple but it is not simplistic. Listen to the audio companion of “I feel the earth move under my feet: a story about resilience?” Rob takes the conversation deeeper on WROAR.
“It was 1:00 a.m. Who the hell is calling me at this hour!?”
Who? Oh, just my neighbor in California (I was in Boston at the time). He called to tell me that an earthquake had moved under their feet out there, and reduced my 48 single-family home development in Watsonville to a pile of rubble.
I quickly remembered that the earthquake insurance coverage hadn’t kicked in yet. WOE! Remember the Carole King song: I feel the earth move under my feet, I feel the sky tumblin’ down? Well, that had just happened to me!
Indeed, “WOE is me” became my reaction. That’s WOE as in What On Earth can I blame for this mess? This helpless victim attitude fueled a frantic state of mind that lingered for months. I was downright NO-Stuck.
It was only after wailing ‘WOE is me’ and blaming the world for my ills that I finally called an MD. No, not my doctor, but a Marvelous Denial of the lie that ‘all was lost’. As soon as I denied this lie, my frantic mind calmed, and I heard a guiding voice speak from deep within.
The guiding voice reminded me of an affirmation that had been part of my morning ritual for years – throw me a challenge and I grow stronger. This affirmation was drowned out by a tsunami of fearful thoughts, the worst being the prospect of losing everything I’d worked so hard to achieve. This became a turning point for me.
I resolved to prove that if you throw me a challenge, I grow stronger, and I began to experience “WOW,” – Wonderful Obsession with Winning. The moment I was aware that I was being over dramatic about the whole thing, I began doing the inner work needed to throw my Worries Out the Window.
With a fresh mind, I asked myself healthy questions and came up with right answers that offered me the opportunity to sell the development project without a loss. A great outcome, considering there was several million dollars at stake. Sometimes we win by not losing.
The moral of this story, which took place twenty years ago, is simple. When anxious thinking ebbs and ceases, resilience kicks in. Resilience is the ability to return to one’s creative state of mind after it’s been taxed by adversity. It’s a quality of character that enables you to pick yourself up and get back in the game.
Everyone is resilient, but the weight of immediate circumstances can sometimes push it underground. You unleash your resiliency when you have a clear understanding of your potential to win. You can go from WOE to WOW no matter what the odds may be.
Please share a WOE to WOW resiliency experience that you’ve enjoyed. Leave a comment to help others understand better their natural inclination to refuse to give up. You will find mention of the resilient nature of the mind in my new book, A Second Chance At Success.
Thank you and blessings
Post Script:
Dear readers, you may notice I am refining my style in this weeks blog. I have omitted my usual “Shout Outs” and “Illuminating Tips” in favor of a more editorial style of writing and story telling. Please let me know how it works for YOU! Please take the time to take a very quick 6 question survey. Your feedback is sincerely appreciated. Click here to take the survey.
Look inside! Download a free chapter of A Second Chance at Success here.
“Best Comment of the Week.” This weeks best comments come from SaltySailorMan and Julie of A Clear Sign. Thank you for your heartfelt sharing. See their comments here. Illustrations by nick
Check in every week for a new episode of WROAR: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/wroar/
Awesome Rob. Treeemendous. Personally I like this new style. I have not listened to WROAR yet because I was out all night with some old heads from my U days. I will be sure to listen at my lunch break (or maybe sooner cuz I’m kind of comotose today anyway!
). I wish I had BIG HUGE WOE to WOW story I could share here. Sometimes I think just surviving another week is enough! Forget about transforming it into some outrageous success. I love these stories, but at the same time they make me feel guilty. Like I should be doing more with my life. I try really hard… I think the right thoughts and read the right books, but nothing has ever got me so down that I need to transform myself. I dont know that I’ve ever been tested yet, but I like to think I would pass. Right now I am just slowly chipping away at my own self imposed limitations so I finally break out and be the Kara I was meant to be. I guess everyone faces different challenges. My greatest challenge is just breaking free from what is expected of me, and what I truly want. Just getting by is easy but you know I want MORE MORE MORE.
Hi Kara. ‘Breaking free of what is expected of me’. This is a big one for all ofus. We are not required to listen to anyone who demands, “What are you doing for me?” And yet, most people we meet expect that we should act as they want us to. Please others and you achieve nothing of value. Please yourself and you achieve miracles! Blessings
Not to date myself, but Carole King is one of my favorites! I love the story. I can just imagine that dreadful feeling in the pit of your stomach when you heard the news. If anyone has been around long enough to remember when Caroel King was the new kid on the block (like me) there is plenty of time to come up against adverse conditions. My latest adversity has been my greatest challenge to date. There is no quick fix for the big challenges of life. I like how you point out that we have to go through the WOE to get to the WOW. People who think they can go straight to WOW are in a state of denial. This I know. The stages of grief have taught me this. I know I’m coming out stronger on the other end precisly because I can feel so low on the other side. My ability to face all the awful emotions that come along the grieving process gives me some peace knowing that I am strong enough to do so. If I stay strong, present and grounded I can see reality. WOW isnt a bed of roses for me. It’s simply my ability to carry on through life’s toughest circumstances.
Hi Carol Anne. Your ability to carry on through life’s most challenging circumstances is because you don’t mechanically follow the negative moods that descend upon you. You pause to see things differently. This is your power – I know this about you. Thank you
My all time favorite WOE to WOW resiliency story dates way back to my glory days of high school football. To be brief, it was one of those Goat to Hero stories where I messed up a play on defense to loose the lead, only to come back on the offensive and make a “superhuman” TD run. It’s the only time I can remember being so fed up with myself that I was hell bent on turning things around. I vividly remember a sort of insane determination of just wanting to do whatever it took. It was like there was nothing that could stop me. I would have ran through a brick wall to make it into that end zone. I’d like to be able to say that that sense of determination became a regular thing for me, but unfortunately is was like my 15 minutes of fame that I’ve never been able to capture again. I spent most of my life stuck feeling sorry for myself and screwed over by the world. I wish I could have maintained that resilient attitude in other aspects of my life. I suppose if I did I wouldnt be here all the time. You know I’m turning things and around and consistently, incrementally improving this. I’m glad to say things are looking much better than they used to. I’ve responded to some familial challenges in ways that are new for me and while it is not as glorious as game winning TD run it sure is worth a lot more.
Hi Roger. That insane urge to do whatever it took to succeed is a sane urge. That is the real you – someone who doesn’t break down. When you are real, your disappointments break down, but not you. Can you feel it? Blessings
Hi Rob,
I’ve just been learning about your What On Earth (WOE) concept in your book, and so this was perfectly timed post. As your book so brilliantly covers and also in your post, when we see the real truth in our WOEs and understand how all along we were blocking ourselves, the resilience you talk about kicks in. I have been experiencing this with some projects I’m working on. Previously, I would have been overwhelmed. This time when I noticed a hint of anxiety I got a visual image of a resilient and resourceful me and completely overpowered and crushed the anxiety.
By the way, the different style of writing is great. I like it.
Hi Hiten. You are taking your future seriously. I can tell. Self-wholeness is self-niceness. The nicer you are to yourself, the more whole and complete you begin to feel. When this happens, there is no stopping you. WOE has no place to settle in your mind. Thank you for the feedback on my new writing style. I like your style, Hiten. Thank you
Hello rob, haven’t being here a while, but loving the ‘new look’ of the blog.
My WOE to WOW experience happened only last week, from someone who knows someone who knows someone who knows me to do a job for a wealthy socialite; I felt the universe was giving me an opportunity to make a big break in my business. Why was I chosen for the job, amongst the other capable people that can do the job just as good as I ‘should’, but being chosen meant something, I said to myself. I felt overwhelmed by it all and the build up to the day, ‘my prayers have been answered’ ‘keep calm and let it just roll’, ‘stop questioning why or the how’s’ ‘the universe does deliver if you ask’ ‘be careful what you wish for’, I kept saying to myself over and over again. I was extremely excited but weary.
Anyway the day came got there for 9am and what a day it was, never happened to me before, everything that could go wrong did, the job I did wasn’t satisfactory (clients have always being happy with my work), you could imagine what started going through my head, ‘I thought this was my big break’ ‘why is it not going as I thought it would?’ ‘why don’t they like what I did?’ ‘this wasn’t in the plan’, ‘why is this happening to me?’
Trying to remain as calm and get on with what I could do, I had to stop and excuse myself, by this time it was 2pm, I couldn’t take it any longer, went to the ladies and sobbed my eyes out, haven’t in a long time.
I carried on as normal as I could days after the event, did my usual work and by the end of the week, I got a good feedback from a client I did in the week, that made me realise how I focus too much on feedback.
A week later, my take on the experience well only sort of dawning on me gradually (as it may change when I look back and analyse it again and again), ‘I didn’t have all the tools for the job’ (it was a branch off what I do normally), ‘I should have done a thorough consultation before the job, so I’m armed with the right tools’, ‘I can’t be perfect all the time, do only your best’ (I am a recovering perfectionist), I thrive on good positive feedback from clients (so I give 110% in all I do) and I’m sure more analysis would come later.
A sure WOE to WOW moment, for me anyway.
Hi Tinu. WOW, that’s a beautiful WOE to WOW experience that you shared. There is so much more to you than you even now have begun to realize. When you really know that you have nothing to lose, you will live the life that you cannot lose – an incredible life. Thank you, Tinu.
Hey Brother man. Yes yes I do believe we have all have our own crosses to bear. No matter who we are no one here gets out alive. I think the people with the highest aspirations and deepest convictions have to greatest challenges. It’s the yin and yang of trying to do something meaningful in this lifetime. I know that the more serious I’ve become about living a life of peace, compassion and kindness it seems the more I am tested. When I encounter negative dudes who I normally would not think twice about, I instead feel a challenge to relate to them on some level… to put myself in their shoes. It would be easier to stick my head in the sand and pretend they dont exist, but I want to sincerely understand my fellow human beings as deeply as possible. It’s exhausting work! Just the other day at the supermarket particularly surly cashier almost seemed to be baiting me to loose my cool. I’m glad to say I came out on the WOW end of the conversation. Only because I was aware of a side of me that still wants to participate in petty arguments and trivialities was I able to let it flow and let it go. I wont suppress my bitchy and whining WOE side, but I refuse to indulge it. Life is just too short to play the child like game of samsara
Hi Rus. It’s an incredible WOW feeling when we let go of trivialities and petty arguements, isn’t it. Getting off the treadmill of ‘being right’. We think the illusion of ‘being right’ is taking us somewhere – it isn’t, is it, Rus. Thank you
Good show and blog, Rob. I took the survey.. double thumbs up everywhere. Thanks for sharing the personal story this week. It’s good for people like me to hear that it aint Gravy the whole way through for anybody. But more pertinent to my own life was in the radio show when you talked about how much negative news is floating around the air. Especially with these BS conventions going on. Man, I dont care what side of politcal divide you stand on, each politician is more full of it than the next. It’s enough to make me want to vomit in rage! That’s not even an exaggeration, I get a bit nauseous when I listen to too much of that stuff. Sorry to give it so much energy here, but that WOE can get a grip of me. My way to get above the fray is to turn to my creativity and music. I feel blessed that I have something that is honest, pure and true that I can turn to at the end of they day. The greatest way for me to overcome any adversity is to just turn to my Art. I believe all the answers to finding peace and happiness on this woeful planet lies within my ability to make art for artsake… destruction of the soul is vanity, I always say. No matter how crummy or great the music may turn out, I always come out feeling WOW as long as I spill my guts and simultaneously create from within.
Hi John. YES, you always have something that is honest, pure and true to turn to at the end of the day – it’s the authentic you. This is the part of you that loves your music. Every time you become aware of this honest, pure and true part of you – you start life over. Can you feel it? Blessings
I love the healthy questions, Rob. Those are so perfect for me to use. I get so caught up in thinking I have all the answers that I never deign to ask myself questions! I’ve learned that it is good for a know-it-all like me to just play dumb. I get too serious about life and if I can remember to simply ask myself “Is it possible that I have the right to act for the fun of it?’ I just may be able to get out of my own way everyonce in a while!
It’s so true that we are our own greatest obstacles to success. Asking a question like that is just the thing I need to make me realize that most of time what I think I should be thinking probably just isnt right!
Hi Alicia. When most of my life isn’t working right, most of my thinking isn’t right. When most of my life is working out just right, most of my thoughts are right. It’s funny how that works, isn’t it. Thank you
Hi Rob — it does seem like every piece of creative work I’ve put out there has met, at the beginning, with a lot of “no”s, and I’ve needed to persevere enough to put out a “second round” of submissions. But at least now the process is fairly predictable — the second time will be a charm.
Hi Chris. The second time is a charm when the one thought that makes it a charm is spoken, “It is not necessary for me to struggle so hard and be in pain.” I believe you know that about yourself, don’t you. Thank you.
Here is a place I find wow in my world. It is in my ability to be quiet when I might have something to say. To let the world move on without my input. I have needed to be heard and often said too much and for me my silence is strength.
I found it a challenge to find a simple woe to wow story to share. My lesson came in why that is. I am willing to acknowledge the woe, the old me, the she that struggles and stumbles. When the true me appears and things flow beautifully it is not wow…like something special and amazing, it is like “ok, that’s how life is supposed to be” I guess the point is it’s soft, accepted, not spectacular when things go “wow”. Like someone took the rocks out of the road and the path is smooth.
I gave a new friend a 180 book today and smiled to think of the truths it holds and how far the journey has progressed. I also learned a new word that I think you know. ” Purna” Always enjoy today…
Ahh Rob. This one warms the cockles of my Angry Heart!
Labor day is usually the most depressing time of year for me. Most people get depressed around New Years or their Birthdays, but I always mark my progress by the end of summer. I must admit, as disgruntled and ornery as I can be I see the light on the horizon. Its not the rebirth that I always imagined, but a slow, steady and consistent change from noise, tempestuousness and angst to a kind of easy joy. I’ve been doing the “work before the work” as you say, and I feel confident that I have laid down a solid groundwork of receptivity to what is next for me. I’m showing my other side today, some people (like sylvia) have me pegged as a WOE is ME kind of fellow. But, what they don’t really get is that you have to embrace the shit to get to the light. Maybe I spent a little too much time in WOE. I’m OK with that because I know that my highest highs cannot come about without feeling my lowest lows. I am learning to embrace the Angry knowing that I cannot have my cake and eat it to! Hey, cake and frosting is great… but how much of it can you have until you have to come back to reality?
Hi Sylvia. Swami Ramakrishnananda shares the philosophy and practices of Purna. That’s my acquaintance with it. You’re in good company. I like how you write these days. You’ve learned that if you are agitated, you are wrong (because just being agitated is wrong). I am learning from you. Thank you
Hi Rob. I’ve never been one to wallow in WOE side of life. I guess I’m lucky that way. My parents were solid as the Rock of Gibraltar and they made damn sure us kids knew how lucky we were to come from a lineage of strong values. Our family tree is a source of pride. Not that we are descended from royalty or anything like that. It’s just instilling values of looking out for the good of all man kind. People who cannot handle adversity are simply self centered. In my opinion, handling adversity makes me realize just how small and insignificant I am. I’m sure you felt that way when mother nature threw you for a loop. At a certain level you had to realize how small you were in the big universe. Whenever the challenges we all face, be it finance, illness, injury or even death, when you learn to center yourself around the well being of others you can overcome anything. It’s not that hard to get to that place. It’s simply supporting the people we care about in the tiniest of ways. WOE is me is simply the selfish lament of small ignorant people…. The only reasonable answer to “Why me?!” is “Why not me?” Labor day weekend is a perfect example of having the opportunity to surround myself with the people I love and care about. By just being present (90% if life is showing up as Woody Allen put it) we create moments that last a life time. Resiliency is easy when we have tight nit bonds with a diverse array of friends and family.
Hi Georgie. You say a lot with this comment. YES, “Woe is me” is a narcissistic self-centered comment. Perhaps I tweaked your words, but I get your point. Marvelous noticement! Thank you for all you offer the readers. Blessings
I once heard a humor wirter remark that he was angry at his parents for providing him with such a great childhood. Because he didnt suffer he could never be one of the great writers! WOE to WOW is suffering. And suffering makes great art. The great creative minds cherish thosse hard yards of life. It provides infinite fuel for the creative fire. I think thats a good way to think of it. If we take WOE and burn it up in our fuel tank we can explode with creativity. Talk about a conversion. I’ve noticed that about myself. I’m most vibrant and alive when take my disdain for injustice and convert it into a force for change. I like to think I take the WOEs of the world to show that another, higher way of thinking is possible.
Hi Salty. ‘Taking disdain and converting it into a force for change’. Now, that’s a book! You have a best seller in you. Do you think God put you in this crazy world without a way out? Certainly not, and you can prove that, Salty. Thank you
Hi Rob, I love the new format. A funny thing happened while I was listening to this at the gym. I posted my own “WOE” story last week on the blog, and I’ve been starting every day with a “this is going to be a great day” attitude. I went into the gym and started listening to the show. All of the machines I normally use were taken. I made due for a while and moved on to the floor with the mats, which was empty. A woman came who just sat on the mat next to me, talking loudly on her cellphone but not exercising. Two men came for a second, and left in annoyance. Usually I would just move on myself but I really had nowhere else to go and I NEEDED this workout. I was getting to the end of your show and listening to you I said to myself,”OK this is ridiculous, I am going to speak up.” As I said,”Excuse me,” and she turned away from me, I just persisted and I NICELY (including please and thank you) asked her to take her phone conversation outside. She looked like she was going to argue so I added,”I really need this workout and I can’t get it done with the distraction,”, smiled, and held out my arm pointing the way to the lobby. She left. She came back and picked up her water bottle and moved on. I got in my exercise. Peace prevailed. So, thanks!
Hi Julie. That’s a great story. You shared a valuable lesson in your accounting of what happened at the gym. There is no progress without first seeing your actual condition, is there Julie. You have developed the eyes to see. Thank you
Whoaa boy I got a WOE to WOW story for you my man! When I hit rock bottom it was ROCK BOTTOM! The great thing about rock bottom is that you cant get no lower and the only option is up! I’m one of the lucky ones who never considered suicide as my “cry for help.” I set out to destroy every meaningful relationship that ever crossed my dispirited path. No matter if you happened to be pumping my gas or handling my stocks, I just wanted to be in charge. That braggadocio could only last for so long before I had to face myself. After I exhausted myself proving points that didnt need proving I subconsciously set out to destroy my mind and body. I tried to belittle everyone else so that I could feel like a big man… HO HO! What a prescription for devastation of the soul…. I have found that Ego is the most addictive drug of all (believe you me… I’ve had ‘em all go up my nose and worse.) Anyway, the conclusion of the story, is that the lightning strikes in the blue sky… you see everyone knows that… for me WOW is more simple than dirt… OM.
Hi Richard. Yes, the ego is a very addictive and very destructive drug. It wants nothing more than to be right even if being right means you have to lose at the game of life. I like your honesty. thank you
Hey Rob. Sorry to push your buttons last week…. your silence is deafening. The book looks great. I have to take it all in bit by bit. I’m waiting for your elevator speech. Sorry, I didnt take the survey yet but keep on keepn on my man… I think you are thinking right. I think you could rake it in with the best of those “Quacks” if you could distill all this stuff down into some Kentucky Bourbon.
Hi Pat. I respect you. I respect your point of view. I appreciate that you take time to give me feedback on how you see me. I know who I really am when I don’t think about who I am. It’s funny how that works, isn’t it. Thank you.
Hi Rob. To be honest I don’t know if my WOE to WOW is really a WOE to WOW or if I am in some kind of weird denial. It is well documented that I have been on the prowl for a long time and have fallen flat on my face time and time again. I finally got so fed up that I just buried myself in my work again. I feel great, motivated, productive and creative, but I have totally shut myself off from the part of me that felt like crap. I know myself enough to know that I am so stubborn that I will work myself into the ground before I face facts. The fact is I failed at finding a hot girlfreind!
That’s the WOE. The WOW is I don’t even care anymore because I just care about my career and the work that I do from 9-5. GIve me a little exercise to keep my beer belly down and a couple of zombie flicks at the end of the day and I am one happy dude. Now, my question is, am I being true to myself or just distracting myself? The more I learn about my “self talk” the more confused I get. Is that the same with you?? Man, sometimes I get so sick of myself, I just want to sleep the sleep of a thousand martyrs and wake up tabula rasa. Ugh. Life is hard.. life’ll kill ya. I think I think about myself too much and just want to be free from this show of personality and cruelty. That’s why I love burying myself in the lab, I dont have to be bothered with the rigmarole of small minds.
Hi Alan, you don’t want to bother with the rigmarole of small minds, and sometimes you get so sick of yourself – that right there (getting sick of yourself) is rigmarole of small minded thinking, isn’t it. We can turn on ourselves so quickly. The ego pounces at the slightest provocation. Thank you
Ya know ROBo — I kinda like this because yo ass is gettin a bit more REAL. Slowly but slowly. Who be calling me at 1AM …. some dumb ass GOOMB who just needs it!! HAHAHHAHAHH. YO Check it… I don’t get NO STUCk or whatever, I just keep on moving real hard and real stiff all the way up up up and to WOW WOW WOW orgasmo WOW! My earth quacking be aint about no setbacks … its all about shaking the world up the way I think it should BE! And all that is just being 110% real! People who can’t get beyond the little obstacles aint got no vision. I don’t even see WOE SON! If some boom rejects me on the next! And guess what?! In my world nobody does the rejectin but ME. My greatest gift is I don’t give 2 1/2 SHIZTS if people don’t like me … IReALLY DONT!!! Its Fn WHAK. THE more I don’t care what people think the more they want to get up on this!! It’s all about KeeepIN SHIZ REALLL. If you wake up confused about what you want people to think of you, you might as well sleep til noon with the deadbeats of the world. GIt yo self a Forty and sit on a park bench, cuz thats all your doin if you can’t pull yo sorry ass off the couch and into the real world!!! And if yo want to drink a forty at at 10:40… go for it!! Jus know what you doin and OWN that SHIZ. Thats my secret to feeln good, keep it real and keepn it WET…. just OWN IT!!!! If you know what you UP to you don’t havto answer to NO ONE!!! HAHAH…. That resilience SON. Just OWN yo BEING and you RULE your life!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAH PAX oUT ROBOBOBOBO!!! Lets get up and make some Shiz happen together ALREADY!
Hi Magic. Knowing what you’re doing and owning that shiz … yes, that pretty much says it, doesn’t it. It’s a lot more difficult to know what you’re doing when you’re convinced that life is doing it to you, and therein lies the problem.
The world will tell you that life is doing it to you. We have to go deeper than what the world will tell us to look at, if we intend to awaken our awareness to the fact: “I’m doing it and I own it,” don’t we. Thank you.