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Love is a Spontaneous Reaction

How can you initiate LOVE?
How can you stop LOVE?
How can you control LOVE?

LOVE cannot be controlled.
You cannot do anything about LOVE.
You have to allow LOVE to happen when it happens.
LOVE is a spontaneous reaction.

Although, there is a way to be absent of love; be your unnatural self – your ego-self. The ego-self thinks it falls in LOVE. There is nothing to fall into; LOVE is in the air, everywhere.

Human beings destroy the naturalness of LOVE when we turn it into an efficient technology. When we turn LOVE into a technology, we come up with a 1,001 methods to gain LOVE … and loose so much of life’s wonderful pleasures.

Human beings are obsessed with doing things. We get caught up in doingness. A big problem arises when it comes to LOVE, and what should I do to get love? The problem is that LOVE cannot be done, any more than HAPPINESS can be done. When we believe LOVE and HAPPINESS can be done, we become incapable of enjoying LOVE and HAPPINESS because we don’t know what to do.

Human beings are driven to possess things, but don’t want to be possessed. We want to master everything, but not be mastered by anything. Another big problem arises when we want to possess LOVE. You cannot possess LOVE, and you cannot master LOVE. To the contrary, you must allow LOVE to possess you and then you have mastered the art of enjoying it.

LOVE is life. LOVE is greater than man’s technology. With LOVE, you cannot be in control. Now comes in the ego. The ego is afraid of anything it cannot control. The ego is afraid of LOVE. It pretends that it loves LOVE, but it really wants to control and possess LOVE. Little wonder so many folks find LOVE an elusive dimension of life.

Possessiveness and the attitude of possessiveness guarantee the absence of LOVE. Do you know how you guarantee the presence of LOVE? Do you know what happens when you SURRENDER? (that’s a dirty word to the ego). When you surrender, you allow that to which you’re surrendering, to possess you. Imagine surrendering to LOVE. Imagine allowing LOVE to possess you. Now you move with a greater force than what your ego can ever offer you. The secret to the dimension of LOVE – is surrender.

Who causes the misery that you experience in your life?
Is LOVE causing it … or … lack of LOVE?
If it’s the lack of LOVE, then it’s the ego (that wants to possess and master everything) that’s causing it.

Once you know the secret to LOVE (the secret is surrender), you can have all the LOVE and HAPPINESS you want without doing anything.

This blog is a bit different for me. I was motivated to write it because of a conversation I had with a friend that asked me to explain my ‘take’ on love. I decided to share with you what I shared with her.

The moral of this story is simple: when it comes to the flowing river of LOVE, do not struggle to swim; simply let go and float down the river. The advanced technology of a speedboat will not get you there.

The one way to invite real LOVE into your life is to stop inviting the artificial love of the ego. In the dimension of LOVE, egotism is an enemy who pretends to be a friend.

What can you share that brings this conversation to life in your life?
What can you add that helps others understand the underlying message?

LOVE and HAPPINESS … and … BLESSINGS … and … THANK YOU (for participating with a response to this blog), rob

“Best Comment of the Week.” This weeks best comment comes from Julie from A Clear Sign. The runner up is J.D. Meier from Sources of Insight.  Thank you both for your honest, heartfelt sharing. See their comments here.

Illustrations by nick


  1. Hi Rob,

    You must be a master of love, that was great. You captured all the mistakes we make as human beings when it comes to love.

    We can’t capture LOVE, we can’t force LOVE, we can’t ego LOVE.

    LOVE comes when you silent selfishness, forget yourself, and listen.

    • Hi Bryce. Love gazes down upon lost humanity and thinks, “if only they would surrender long enough to love.” That is the silent selfishness of which you refer.

  2. Superb Rob and I respect and support you for being a love fan. Love and happiness are as natural at breathing but we often surpress both due to fear or worry about how others would see or view us. But why hold back love? Why let happiness wait? Why indeed? They are oxygen to our spirit, air to our wings, and music to our life song and we can be the composer and conductor of the sweetest symphonies of all time. Love the love and be happy to be happy. Because nothing else matters or then ever will.

    • Hi John. When you write like this, it is clear that you have given up wrongness … and rightness has rushed in to fill the space. You become a conduit for divine wisdom to express through you. How’s that feel. How often can you get to that state of mind? Your inspiring response to higher truths (offered in my blogs) is relaxing, and yet it tells its own story. Thank you.

  3. Roger Pascal says:

    Hi Rob, you certainly speak the truth in this one. After reflecting on my own life I see that my formative days of “looking for love” were because I was lonely and unsatisfied with my life. All me and my pals cared about was “possessing” the best looking girl (or any girl). I was the proverbial “Mr. Right Now” and never the “Mr. Right.” It wasn’t until I burned out on the bachelor scene that I met my wife. And YES, I was just taking it easy, almost literally floating down the river – we met over a mutual interest in camping! Nothing could have been more spontaneous or natural for me. To all you lonely hearts I say, hang in there kids, I was feeling peaceful with myself out in nature and bingo-bango love came a fluttering in smelling like bug spray and sunscreen.

    • Hi Roger. I’ve watched you grow. You are an inspiration to me. You’ve proceeded form a ‘poor me’ point of view to a much broader perspective – and the obscure is becoming clear to you. It’s fun, isn’t it? blessings

  4. The first time I recognized the feeling of true love, was when they put my baby in my arms and she stared intently at me and I at her and I just said to myself, I will work at making this world safe for you to grow and become and a warmth came to my whole being…just this morning as a person was telling me I was a lying, despicable liberal – and probably a murderer (ab****ion) I took a deep breath and pulled up that sense of warmth from within…
    …then I said, “I am now intolerant of your intolerance and I will not put it aside, ignore or rationalize it away any more. My goal in life is communication and connection, our intolerance has created boundaries and not love or peace – is that acceptable to you?” The woman walked away still fuming and spouting…and I felt that first breath of love.
    You have shared what I experience in my life very well – Thank you

    • Hi Patricia. Wow, you just let us know how powerful you are. There is a part in all of us that is not our usual nature. You showed us that awesome part of you. Thank you. choose to understand. Stay with that choice, and the whole universe of truth takes your side. blessings.

  5. Rob,
    I agree. We can’t try to make love happen and we can’t master it either. It comes from the heart spontaneously. When I read articles about mastering love and other nonsense I just laugh. We are built from the love of the Universe condensing together to create a body to hold this spark of love within. Why would we need or want to master something that’s already so awesome?

    • Hi Angela. Your poetic side is showing with this comment. Of course, with the topic being ‘LOVE’, I can see how that would pull out the poet in you. You offer higher lessons with your responses when you don’t try to protect your vanity (which is something we all try to do so often). You are an innocent spirit on the spiritual path, and sometimes you fly so easily. I love it when I notice that about you. blessings

  6. I’m so glad you talked about surrendering, in this post. Surrender and control always play such a huge part in our endeavor (and failure) to “find” love. We try to control how it comes, how it should feel, how it plays out, all with the goal of protecting ourselves. “I will love you, but just as much as you love me and never so much that you can hurt me.” But that’s not how it works. It requires a letting go, a leap of faith, a surrendering. It’s like a bird learning to fly. At some point, he’s gonna just have to jump off that tree branch and hope for the best. But oh, when he does, he gets to soar. Unless of course he’s a chicken. ;)


    • Hi Melody. That’s a nice twist that you added to your soaring bird story. I like the way you participate in these blogs. You never give value to suffering. That’s a great tip that you offer the world. thank you.

  7. Totally agree Rob.

    Love doesn’t follow a script or a timeline. I know in my marriage when I try to force intimacy or connection, it ends up backfiring on me. But when I surrender and let love guide the relationship, true and beautiful connection is the result.

    Thanks for this important reminder,


    • Hi Alex. Whenever we are forcing anything, we are NOT obeying our deep yearning to be unity with ‘all of it’. Your sensing is right about intimacy. Always ignore your pride when it comes to loving someone, and there is no pushing (and everything works our marvelously). thank you.

  8. I think you did a beautiful job in expressing what love is and what it is not. Love is ALL. We are LOVE…we are not the emotional baggage we find ourselves wrapped in often…underneath it all…it is love ;-)

    • Hi Kenya. here is a ‘gift of love’ for you. A young princess wasted her day in useless wandering. When she returned to the castle that evening, and the gate was locked. She went off into the night, not knowing what to do. When she returned the next morning, the gate was unlocked. What happened that night that had her resolve to allow absolutely nothing to prevent her from returning home? What does this have to do with you? Read it again, Kenya, and ask, “What does this have to do with me?” Expect a marvelous insight before the day is out. blessings.

  9. LOL! Someone asked me if you and I had this conversation :) The answer is NO, but you know we sure could have about a year ago. Besides trying to find my dream job one of my other goals is to find a great guy and fall in love. Before I was focused on my career I was always just trying to find love. I thought that was the answer to all my problems. I was doing exactly that, trying to force things that just weren’t right. Finding love isn’t as big as a deal these days because I’ve realized that it will come if I relax (probably when I’m least expecting it). But I have bigger goals now that are more focused on fulfilling my potential and being all I can be. I’ll probably meet my dream guy AT my dream job :).

    • Hi Kara. you and I have had this conversation in many ways at many different times. Whenever you are listening to something besides your usual self-talk, this conversation shows up for you. Practice listening to that voice that speaks the truth to you. blessings

  10. Rob,

    Love is something we have to realize is within all of us. We are all loving in the spiritual sense, and this understanding is how we can see this and approach life through a loving lens. Once we cultivate love from with in we can start acting from love and being a loving human being. It must start with in us first, though ultimately love in a verb and is manifested through what we do.

    • Hi Joe. I trust that you never protect yourself against love. So many folks do. They fight fiercely to prevent love in myriad ways, though they know not what they do. It seems to me that you know better. thank you

  11. Hey Rob,
    I really enjoyed this post. Infinite love is the only truth, everything else is illusion. It’s sad that most live life in a falsehood by dis-allowing love into their lives.

    I would say that self-love would be the place to begin. From there we can love each other as well.

    • Hi Justin. Yes, self-love is the way to begin. How can you ‘love thy neighbor as thyself’ if you do not love yourself. Nice noticement, Justin. blessings.

  12. Right on brother man. The secret is surrender. yes, yes YES. Surrender to the power of love. Thats really all there is in this world. Problem is people get all worked up thinking that love only means finding your soul mate and getting married. What BS. Love is everywhere and in everything. I’ve never been one to seek out a wife or even a date. I express my love in so many different ways that to spend my life finding one partner would be an injustice to what I can spread around this world. Love to me means just going out in the world and appreciating beautiful things like music and nature and the plethora of different kinds of people. I’m a people person brotha! I’ll hug a dude that is down and out just as happily as I’d hug my mother. That’s no lie. I find love everywhere because I am totally at ease and at peace with what it means to me.

    • Hi Rus. It is clear that you know what you’re doing when it comes to love. You are spiritual by placing love above all else. A loving life follows. thank you

  13. Hi Rob, you know now that I’ve thought about it a bit, “Love” can really mean anything. What is a successful act of creative expression? It’s nothing but surrendering to higher truths. The songs that I’ve written that I like best all came from that spontaneous reaction and surrendering thing you talk about. I love being in love with my creativity. It’s like being in any relationship though. I have to nurture and coddle it and give it gifts so it stays with me. If I’m a jerk in the relationship it packs it’s bags and is out the door! Then I have to say, “come on baby, come on back, I didn’t mean it” ha ha talk about surrender!

  14. Hi John. Indeed, some of the lyrics you’ve written are spontaneous, and come from your deep sense of love. I’ve noticed that. You don’t settle for a false feeling of love when you’re writing songs. Thank you for that example. blessings

  15. GeorgieBoy 1969 says:

    Hi Rob, In my life I’ve always struggled with finding a balance of my work life and family life. Those are my greatest loves. They are different loves but they consume my mind and I give everything for them them. I think if we really love something it means there is a self-abnegation and our purpose is defined by supporting those things we love. I’m happiest when I lose that sense of self and just support those two things with all my heart. When I’m not doing that I have to spend way too much time with myself – and that is bad company.

    • Hi Georgie. Losing the sense of self that satisfies – is losing the sense of ego self. When we lose that, surrendering to love is natural. When you know your true self, you know what you truly value, and it’s really quite easy to take care of yourself. This is what you’re getting at. Thank you.

  16. whoa whoa whoa – are you talkin’ to me!? (Robert DeNiro voice) :) . This is pretty much exactly my problem. I’m spending so much time and energy AND MONEY trying to go out and meet a girl that it’s lost it’s spontaneity. It’s funny that you mention technology because I even tried internet dating and that just went nowhere too. I see what your saying, but I don’t really know how to relax and let it come. It’s all I think about, really. How can I be obsessed with it and relax at the same time? Its a conundrum. I’m sure I’m not alone on this. It seems there are tons of people constantly craving and searching for love and then one day, BOOM it happens. I don’t get why it works for them and not me.

    • Hi Alan. Being obsessed and relaxing can be a conundrum. One is being out of psychic integrity and one is being in psychic integrity. (thus, with one you are nervous, and with the other you can relax). Nice noticement.

  17. Carol Anne says:

    My favorite Beatles song is “All you need is Love” because it so simple and clear. I love it because it reminds that the greatest things in life are always free and easy. I’ve been lucky in my life to have found a true love with my husband. What that really means to me is that we are best friends. Talk about surrender! I think that’s all a successful marriage is – surrender. The secret for our relationship is simply “let it be, let it be…” (Oh wait, maybe that’s my favorite Beatle song :) ) That just means we surrender our pettiness and selfishness which is all EGO. With that, it allows us to just be ourselves, uninhibited, unedited and always true to ourselves.

    • Hi Carol Anne. ‘Let it be … let it be’. Nice one. You reside on the level of cosmic wholeness when you just ‘let love be … let it be’. That’s a nice experience, isn’t it? thank you.

  18. What a beautiful, beautiful post Rob!! Here, love is so eloquently explained and makes total sense! I would definitely agree that the secret to love “surrender” – YES!! I’ve learned this and what a powerful, life-transforming thing. I learned it by being humbled by life and after wrestling with ego and pride for so long; love stepped in and won out … thankfully! Every day, I’m so, so grateful!

    You have such an amazing gift and if there was anyone to cover this topic and deliver it perfectly, it would be you Rob! Thank you my friend – you’re like no other!!

    Peace & gratitude,


    • Hi Elena. you are such an inspiring spirit. thank you. Only when you speak from your whole and united self, can you speak from your heart. You have that gift. it’s a pleasure to receive it from you. blessings.

  19. Hi Rob,
    Excellent post on what love is. Many people believe they have to control love or the one they love when in fact, we should do the opposite. Just like you mentioned, love just like anything else doesn’t like to be controlLed. Love and happiness are inner feelings. Before we look for them outside of ourselves, we should start from within. Only then after we really feel love and surrender to love, we will begin to truly enjoy it. One of the exercises that I use almost daily is I visualize myself giving love to myself and to the people I love. What a big positive difference it makes in my life. Thanks for sharing my friend

    • Hi Dia. I imagine you do spend time daily, including love in your inspiring rituals, Dia. Burdens fall away when we prioritize taking care of the important matters before getting involved in the rest of it. Clearly you know that. thank you.

  20. Angry Ramone says:

    Hi rob, I think I have pushed love away in the past because I try to make others conform to my ideals. I always thought a relationship should be fire, intensity and passion. The problem is that when the romance fizzles it just turns into arguing. I get bored if there isn’t a lot of passion, and if there isn’t than I find ways to make it. This has not been a great formula for long term relationships. So, I like what you are saying here. I think I’ve become more even keeled these days and would be better at allowing things to be more natural.

    • Hi Ramone. I think you have become more even-keeled these days, too. Know that the idea about love is not love. People have thousands of strange ideas about love. You are seeking the truth. keep going. You are a winner. blessings

  21. I really liked this one Rob. Great post. I particularly appreciated your advice to go with the flow when it comes to Love and not to struggle … amazing words and wisdom as usual. Loved it.

    • Hi Sibyl. I imagine the topic of love interests you. You know what to value in life. You work to obey simple spiritual instructions about love and self-honesty, and your days are inspired by it. This is apparent to me. blessings

  22. SaltySailorMan says:

    Hi Robert, I’ve learned this the hardway. There are so many things in life we just have to learn to relent control over. The paradox is that by relenting control we suddenly find our lives coming together. All those puzzle pieces that never seemed to fit all of a sudden fall into place. When life gets easy for me it’s always because I don’t give a darn. The things I love most in my life have always happened easily and naturally. Having great friends, travelling, my wife and family. They all came about because I was easy with life. People who struggle and fight for such things are the ones who are always living in melodrama and never quite getting their acts together. I admit, I don’t really know how I did this, but I did it. I’ve had my share of struggle and disappointment, but when it comes to the things that matter most (love) it all came together.

    • Hi Salty. YES, what matters most in life (love and the likes) are all coming together for you. You no longer tolerate anything less. You have learned to rise above your old way of seeing things and WOW does it show. thank you

  23. Magic Marc says:

    Yooo ROB. You KNOW I’m all about spreading the love around!!! Because I’m always spreading love like Cupid on crack, there is ALWAYS love coming back to me. I’m not just talking MAD LADIES (cuz there is plenty o that!!) but EVERYTHING! I get love from Cops and Bums and my MOMS…. whatever, whenever WHOEVER! I just soaks it all up like a sponge. WHY? Because I am ALWAYS spreading MAGIC MARCS special brand of LOVE!! It’s easy, just be mad cool with everyone. People might think I’m arrogant but I guarantee if we hung out I would just be mad cool and you’d want to be best friends 4EVAH. HHAhAHAHA!! All you have to do is relax and keep it real. Most people are so messed up and turned around they have NO IDEA what that even means! They think they have to act, talk, dress look or be a certain way…. man thats all BULLSHIZ. You cant fool people when it comes to LOVE. That’s what the ladies sniff out about ME. When you just keep it real and act youself LOVE comes rushing in like Japanese Tsunami!!!

    • Hi Magic. We never see people as they are, Magic. We see skilled and flamboyant actors so hypnotized by their roles that they believe they are real, which hypnotizes me into believing they are real. That’s how you affect me. NICE. blessings

  24. So so so true Rob. You are writing to my essence with this one. There is so much bad energy floating around the world and it is all due to lack of LOVE. People think they know love but if they truly did there would be no more wars, starvation and cruelty. I just don’t get why more people can’t embrace the Universal truth of Love. People like us have to spread the word just by acting on love. I wish there was more I could do but I think the only way you can change anyone elses mind is by simply living a life that honors the tenants of LOVE.

    • Hi Alicia. AH, ‘living a life that honors the tenants of love’. That’s a nice one. ‘Be honest about love’ is the most helpful and frightening advice a beginner can hear about love. That is the advice you share. thank you

  25. Human beings destroy the naturalness of LOVE when we turn it into an efficient technology. – Sigh. Brilliant.

    I once read a story of a man whose actress wife lives next door to him with his children…and her new lover.

    When asked how he could allow himself to be cuckolded this way he said, ‘with him she is happy. She loves me but she was no longer happy with me. I ‘allow’ it because I love her and want her to be happy.’

    This to me was the definition of love.

    • Hi Pea. that’s a very interesting story. It teaches the secret of using unhappy events to be free of unhappy events (and you cannot do this if love is absent). Add this to your story – now we’ve got something! thank you.

  26. Hi Rob,
    This was beatiful. We cannot chase love, we must allow it to come to us, just like you described in the flowing of the river. Things that we try to cling to pull away from us. Be open, be warm, be gentle, be kind, BE LOVE and love will come.

    • Hi Lisa. When you are LOVE, does Love always come? YES! Nice tip, Lisa. We contact LOVE at the risk of losing our familiar and lonely tears. Some folks prefer to feel unloved, and so they are not LOVE. Why would they prefer this? That is for another blog. blessings

  27. LOVE what a big word that is made small. I do like the surrender to it. this is a must. Here is my story: When i met my hubby he had walls all around him from being hurt in the past. It took me 6 years to take down those walls, brick at a time.
    What I learned in those 6 years is yes, if you want love you better get that ego out of the way, or you will lose. Love is patience, love is kind and never demanding.
    What finally got that last brick down was when I told him; “I Love you and there is nothing you can do about it. If you want me out of your life I will walk away, but you can’t stop me from loving you or take that love from me. It is mine to keep.”

    He decided he better not let the best thing that ever happened to him walk away and as they say the rest is history. I do have to say he taught me that true love was being able to let go, because all you want is the person you love to be happy, even if it means without you.

    Always remember love is patient and kind; that is what i tell others. As you say go floating down the river slowly and love will find a way.
    Blessing to you rob,

    • Hi Debbie. Thank you for adding your personal experience to the blog. Your husband is a very lucky man. See the difference between a helpful emotion (LOVE) and a harmful emotion (resentment, anger, envy, jealousy), and a healthy feeling overwhelms you. You’ve helped your husband recognize this. You’ve trusted it works and have proven it so. wonderful! blessings.

  28. Richard Roma says:

    I gotta be honest I all this lovey-dovey, airy-fairy talk kind of grates my nerves. I think it gets people in trouble when they tune out from the reality of life. Most of the time life is tough and if your lucky you have moments punctuated by love or whatever. I’ve been in plenty of relationships that are all “I love you, I love you…” It’s fun and all, but it’s not everything. I don’t know about surrendering, for me sometimes I feel like I want to be kind and enjoy the beauty of life and fall in love, so I do. But most of the time I’m just interested in my business and making it a resounding success. As far as love goes I can take it or leave it.

  29. Hi Richard. So, it seems to you that as far as love goes, you can take it or leave it. That’s what’s great about free choice, isn’t it? We get to decide. The challenge with free choice is that we often make a choice based on our head (not our heart). When we turn to our internal compass (our heart), the choice is always right. Have you turned to your heart and asked it its choice? blessings

  30. Love is one thing I may never understand.

  31. I like your idea of love and surrender. Some look at love as a control issue, and want to be the one in control, so best not let yourself really fall in love. But when you have patience sometimes love comes your way when you least expect it.


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