Our relationships are puzzles with no instructions attached. However, we all try to manage our relationships, and rarely are able to succeed – they seldom turn out exactly as we dream they will be.
Relationships are always puzzling, and the more we try to demystify our relationships, the more puzzling they become.
When we enter into a relationship of love, it is even more complicated – because we are two, uniting as one, and yet we have differently conditioned minds; minds that experienced dissimilar NO’s …WOE’s … breakthroughs … and … WOW’s.
The biggest problem that causes problems in our relationships is how to be silent – how NOT to be caught in thoughts of NO. In relationships where there are a thousand problems, it’s because of the thousand echoes of NO that are going on in the two minds involved.
Even when one person is silent, the other person has a thought … and trouble can begin. Try it. Sit silently, and watch what happens – “Why are you silent? What’s the matter?” Where does this line of questioning come from? Even silence can be a haunting ‘NO’ … remember when mom was mad at you and gave you ‘the silent treatment’?
It takes work to bring a relationship to the level where there’s an absence of “NO’s”. Sometimes it happens when two people are tired, and begin accepting things as they are (a conspicuous absence of echoing NO’s shows up). It is far more rewarding to become aware of echoing NO’s, and work to rid the relationship of them consciously.
Harmonious relationships are not two people agreeing to the same NO’s. Heavens NO! That’s not it!! Harmonious relationships are based on ACCEPTANCE – void of NO’s.
When you come across a happy marriage – the basis is ACCEPTANCE. There is no better way to work on differences than to begin by ACCEPTING the differences without judgment or ridicule.
Until we solve a more fundamental thing about ourselves – our echoing NO’s – we cannot solve our relationship problems. Until we get over our personal NO-Attacks, there is no possibility of solving NO-Attacks that we impose on others!
The Authentic-Self says to you, “I am such a beautiful person, but you make me look so ugly when you allow NO-Attacks to effect how you relate to others.” Ponder this please.
The False-Self is an artificial person you created yourself to be in childhood moments of fearful NO’s. The False-Self can never experience harmonious relationships. It’s basis of existence is NO! It is difficult to know your personal challenges with echoing NO’s directly. It is easy to see them in a relationship.
This is a powerful blog. It is blowing me away! Read it again. Please don’t take it lightly, but do lighten up when reading it (don’t get down on yourself – that’s a NO-Attack!). There is something in here for you. There certainly is for me!
Illustrations by nick