Reality of Accountability

I want to introduce you to an important reality – it’s a reality of accountability. This is the only reality that gives you title to your life; If you are living in any other reality, you find that you are handing title to your life over to the circumstances or people in the world that you claim cause your life to unfold as it does.

Now, I want to introduce you to a psychological fact. This fact explains the mechanics of how YOU create your daily experiences; yes YOU! Here is the fact: The attitude that motivates your responses to life is reinforced by your responses to life. What does this mean? I means that you look out at life with an attitude; you respond to life from that attitude; life reflects the attitude back to you; you say, “See, I told you my attitude was correct!”

Let’s connect this fact to your personal history, so you can see how it works:

When you are feeling confidence and have an attitude of competence, you are motivated to go into your day in a very different way than if you are feeling doubtful and your attitude is fearful.

With an attitude of competence, you respond to life in decisive ways; you set lofty aspirations, take more chances, re-take your miss-takes when you fail at something, and you eagerly learn from your failures so you can improve your skills of success. You are living in a reality of accountability – you hold yourself accountable for your actions. This reality gives you a feeling of self-worth and self-trust, which reinforces your attitude of competence.

Now, with a reinforced attitude of competence, you relate to others in a way that have them quickly accept and like you. You see life as a treat, and you love your relationships with others. What a wonderful world!

What happens if the feeling of doubt and an attitude of incompetence motivates you? You respond very differently than when feeling confident, don’t you. You hope to get by and avoid as much failure as you can; you shrink from life; when you make a miss-take you come up with a 1,000 excuses; you become a NO-it-all – saying “NO” to any insights or life lessons that may help you see things differently. You are living in a reality where you see yourself at ‘The Effect’ of life. This reality makes you feel insecure; it reinforces your attitude of incompetence.

Now, with a reinforced attitude of incompetence, you relate to others in an insecure way, which guarantees that others will reject and avoid you. You see life as a threat, and you find your relationships are fraught with problems. What a miserable world!

Many folks believe that the circumstances of life and other people in the world are the cause of their attitude. This believer takes no ownership of his life; this is the ultimate ‘helpless victim’ position.

There is a powerful lesson in this blog. Ponder it. Reflect on it, with your own personal history in mind. Don’t let your habitual thinking come up with your usual responses. What can you learn from it?

Tip #1: It is a self-liberating insight to notice that you cannot respond to life beyond what your attitude allows.

Tip #2: If you feel that life is hostile toward you, it is time to take back title to your life – it is time to create a reality of accountability for yourself. Begin with holding yourself accountable for your attitude, and then go out into the world responding in ways that support that attitude.

TIP #3: When you observe how others are stumbling because of their attitude, do so for ending the stumbling in yourself. What attitude is that person teaching you NOT to have?

TIP #4: Justifying a poor attitude does not reduce by one ounce the weight the attitude places on you. A poor attitude immediately fades when you stop insisting that your mental trash is treasure.

• ‘Poor me’ is mental trash.
• ‘If it is to be, it is up to me’; that’s treasure!

I’d love to go deeper into this with you right now, but I’m writing a blog (not a book), so it is time to wrap up. Would you like to pursue this conversation further? Leave comments saying so, and we shall.


“Best Comment of the Week”. This weeks best comment comes from Frank of A Spark Starts. The runner up is Alicia. See their comments here.

65 thoughts on “Reality of Accountability”

  1. Hi Rob,

    Thank you for sharing this. I can’t tell you how often I try to encourage people to recognize that accepting accountability for your own life is the first step towards reaching your maximum potential.

    Unfortunately, many people want to reach their maximum potential but fear keeps them from accepting responsibility. If I could add anything to what you’ve said here, I say that not only do you need to shift your attitude towards yourself, but you need to recognize that fear comes with the territory. Embrace it because that is when you really start becoming accountable to yourself,and as you take steps forward (as you’ve said here), you’ll grow in confidence and security.

  2. Hi Rob!

    I have ample room for improvement in every domain in life. One that I’d like to share is my mindset – the mental domain. I pick this because I believe it’s an area that I’ve experienced the most growth over the past few months – which has opened me up to enough information to realize that I’m surely not as far a long as I thought I was. I thought I had it all figured out Rob. But now, with excitement, I declare that I’m only grazing the surface. This is exciting because it opens my future to opportunities that I never dreamed. I don’t have to think in the “limited zone” – I can truly soar to new heights. Faith has developed beyond hope or belief.

    I compare a lot to sports, in particular fitness…My new journey has been like working out – you can’t see immediate results, but all of a sudden after persistence and focus, they’re there…the same happens for me mentally; I can feel the attitude changes over time. It hits me when I’m on the line to make a decision or I’m faced with a thought provoking challenge.
    Being humble feels good now. After I make an arrogant remark – an invisible leg kicks me in the gut reminding me that I ventured off course [I get this kick pretty often].

    My confidence is growing. I feel that this is happening because I’m becoming more humble and acknowledging humility as a honest human characteristic. No one expects me to be perfect – so why focus on that…instead of focusing on how to come across as perfect as I did for years, I’m now just being me (as much as I can)…which is honestly starting to yield much better results in tune with my goals in life.
    Rob – I think you so much for the awareness, inspiration and education…it’s doing its work within me.

    Great selections in last week’s “best comments”!

  3. Hi Rob, My first reaction as I read this post was…”Hmmm! I’ve no problem with my attitude. I always take responsibility for myself and I gave up blaming others for who or how I am a long, long time ago.” But then your next paragraph stopped me in my skim-read gallop:
    “There is a powerful lesson in this blog. Ponder it. Reflect on it, with your own life in mind. Don’t let your habitual thinking come up with your usual responses. What can you learn from it?”
    And sure enough Rob…you really do know how to make a gal sit up and listen, dontcha?! ;-> Because when I read that I immediately became aware of my customary knee jerk reaction to criticism…any criticism…even self-criticism. And there you have it…that’s my very own attitude problem that I don’t take out and examine too often. So thanks for a valuable lesson in humility for this Offbeat Woman to chew over for today Rob.

  4. Rob this is so true. I notice it all the time in my own life. There are always people around me that seem to come up with “mud” end of the stick. I’m generally a pretty upbeat positive guy myself and things generally turn out OK. No real drama or traumatic events that plague my life. Then I have friends that ALWAYS seem to be consumed with problems. From the outside it’s easy to see that they have an overriding attitude that attracts such things their way. However I want to get beyond just being OK myself – that’s why I really try to pay attention so I can big breakthroughs and get beyond the ordinary. It helps to notice our friends, but you taught me to always ask “what does it have to do with me…” I love that.

  5. Rob,
    This very much reminds me of the idea that our “thoughts become things”. Or that, essentially, what we think is what we become.

    This whole idea has been a big focus for me over the last several weeks, after reading a book that went right along with this concept. And I tend to think I’m pretty positive, although I’ve found that over these last several weeks – I’m positive when I choose to be, and then there are other moments. While I might be outwardly non-positive, my thoughts certainly are. And guess what? When that happens, then that’s exactly what happens.

    So, it’s been about re-framing my thoughts, to see them as I desire. What a difference!!

  6. Poor Me is Mental Trash….

    Wow I loved this line Rob! I, like you, watch attitude tear people up each and every day. Often I council with people and couple and all they want to talk about is how they’ve been dealt a bad hand. It really is a shame, and the cycle never goes away….on and on and on and on.

    Each day I try to tell myself that I’m in charge of my attitude. It is my choice. I know this to be true, and it’s made all the difference.

    Great writings, as always Rob.



  7. Rob,

    This is powerful post, you are right, it is a blog post and not a book but it is still compact and as powerful as 180.

    With “poor me” attitude, we can not go anywhere, I call that a Cinderella syndrome, where only prince who can come and save you is your self worth and self esteem. Now that does not mean life does not have ups and down, we all do. There is always someone worse and someone better than you. Keeping things in perspective always makes things easier for me.


  8. Hi Rob,

    As they say, 90% of what happens to us is based on our attitude. We have got to take responsibility for our life my friend and stop blaming our reaction on people or circumstances. We have a choice, either to interpret the situation in a positive way or a negative way. It is up to us to decide. Thanks for sharing Rob

  9. Yea baby! I’m on the team with this Rob. I used to be in the stands giving it some moaning at performance but I’m on the pitch and ready for the big plays these days. I’ll take the hits and the shots all in the name of a winning stretch. If you need an accountable guy who’ll run with the ball give me a call. It’s time we all became part of our own A-Team and step up to our personal best. Great Rob!

  10. This one seems like it was written just for me. Lately I have been practicing my REAL thinking and have been getting caught in a crummy mood. I try to justify my poor attitude by telling myself I’m being real. It’s a tough balance. I want to be real but I don’t want to be negative nelly all the time either. Other people at my office have been driving nuts lately. It’s frustrating because I thought I was finally becoming peaceful! But this blog is perfect for my week ahead… I’ve just got to get back on track :)

  11. Hi Rob,
    I love this post! We are responsible for our lives and the way things turn out. When I hear people bemoaning their fate and looking to God as if he/she were the source of their problems – I know this person has yet to awaken. Hopefully they will someday. The sooner we understand how the world mirrors back to us what we put out the sooner will find peace and happiness.

  12. Rob,

    It is easy to get stuck in a rut and forget we are responsible for the way we feel. We might blame others for how we feel or blame what happens to us, but having the personal power to stay accountable for our emotions and attitude is crucial. We can either take control ourselves or let others and the world conquer the way we feel.

  13. Rob,

    If we were to reflect on the most difficult decisions of our lives in the modern day judicial systems it would seem that everyone would want to plea “not guilty”. It seems as if no one wants to take personal responsibility for their lives.

    Now I can relate because at times when I wasn’t making the right decisions I would quickly point the finger of blame at someone else. It wasn’t until I took the time and pointed that same finger at the reflection that I saw in the mirror did my life start to change.

    My life became a series of actions based on the premise of cause and effect. If I wanted to have a life of joy, peace and happiness I had to learn to do the actions that created the effect I was looking for. My reality was based on my actions, my mindset, and my faith. Therefore, before you can travel anywhere on the road of life you have to start the car and the key is accountability.

    Rob I hope I am not alone but I would love to hear more from you on this topic. Outstanding Post!! Outstanding!

    P.S. Thanks for making me comment of the week. I am honored.

  14. We rise above both good news and bad news to where every experience is met with understanding, Marlee, when our attitude is right. You are onto something with your point of view. I like your tone. Thank you.

  15. You’re a smart man, Jk. And indeed, intellectual knowledge is an asset in business and daily affairs; yet it takes total insight if we are to be a real leader (the kind of leader you spoke of in your last blog). You are aiming for total insight (that’s what you are describing); that’s where your genius is found. blessings

  16. Sincerity is the most important requirement for elevating ourselves above our bad attitude-habits, Rosemary. You have demonstrated genuine sincerity in this comment. I love that! Thank you, Rosemary

  17. You have rid yourself of your unconscious fear that answers may not exist, John, and now you are coming up with real helpful answers. NICE. Thank you

  18. You are much more alertly watchful of your course of action, Lance, and when necessary, you pull yourself back to ‘correct mode’. You demonstrate this in your comment. That is the formula of a winner. You are a winner, Lance. blessings.

  19. Anything that contributes to a deeper understanding of how the mind works, contributes to enhanced personal development. You are always looking for a deeper understanding, Marcus. I bet you’re a great life-coach! blessings

  20. You have a ‘present moment’ style to your writing, Preeti; treasure that. When you speak, free of time, you offer life-lessons that are free of pain. Do you realize what that means? blessings.

  21. Man’s greatest problem is that he is unaware that he is unaware of how much his attitude makes his decisions for him. This is what you are pointing to, Dia. Nice reminder. thank you.

  22. No person is ever at the mercy of anything but his own incorrectly working mind, John. You have figured this one out, and this why W.O.W. is your attitude (Wonderful Obsession Winning …. at the game of life). I will see you in the winner’s circle, again and again. blessings.

  23. Know, Kara, that getting back on track is never accomplished by adding anything to your life; it is accomplished by taking away that which knocked you off track (be it a bad thought-habit or a bad physical habit). blessings

  24. You have ceased listening to your past conditioning, Angela; this is what allows you to see the truth found in today’s blog. You do this consistently. thank you & blessings

  25. I notice, Joe, that your view of life includes many viewpoints (it has shown up in your many comments). Wisdom is not taking one preferred position and sticking to it. Nice job with that, once again. blessings

  26. The reason you offer such healthy comments, Frank, is because you value truth and growth over looking good and falsehood. I value your opinions. thank you.

  27. This one is shaking me in my boots. I hate to think about how much time and energy I’ve wasted because I’m waiting for outside things to make me happy. I always think that once I get a pretty girlfriend THEN I’ll be happy. It’s like I think that is going to solve all my problems. Like I won’t drink so much and overeat and procrastinate and and and… :) But I see what your saying we have to be accountable right NOW. It’s seems stupid now but I’ve been blaming all my bad habits on the one fact that I can’t get a girlfriend. Crazy,

  28. “Why am I doing that to myself?” is the question I’ve learned to ask. This has incredible power for me. When I remember that it is me who is creating the bad day I also realize that I have the power to change it. Recently I was feeling worried about finances. I remembered that there is plenty for everyone. My feelings of scarcity are mis beliefs that I accepted in my childhood and as I remember my choice I recommitted to my belief in plenty. The situation looks entirely different now.
    As I look back I see how so many times I blamed the world for giving me exactly what I expected…and then I fought against it. I wore myself out fighting with myself. How nice to have another option, of simply choosing to remember the world wants me to win. Blessings back and Always enjoy today :-)

  29. Your speaking right to my heart-mind this week, brother. It’s like a whole chicken and the egg thing going on. Your never going to be at peace if your attitude stinks and your attitude will always stink if you are not at peace. We can’t wait for everything to be perfect to be peaceful. We have to take command of our attitude everyday! I’ve learned to never let a day go by when I am not accountable for my attitude. And guess what, most of the time I’m a pretty peaceful happy dude!

  30. Nice noticement, Sylvia … ‘you wore yourself out fighting with yourself’. That can be pretty tiring! When something really makes sense, you can feel it. I sense that you are feeling the truth as it’s flooding it you. thank you.

  31. Correct learning always begins with unlearning wrong attitudes that stop us from learning correctly, Rus! blessings

  32. Attitude is the corner stone of all things. Your attitude depicts your reaction to life. If your respond in the negative way, you build the habit of being a pessimistic person. Do the opposite and this reality will come true. It’s all about being more than a grouch, Grinch or scrooge. You have to be more open minded and less narrow in your though process.

  33. You never lead us astray, Rob. Our attitude, which we have control over regardless of how we may deny it, can either empower us or handicap us for the task as hand. This choice is, and always has been, ours to make.

  34. Indeed, jonathan, correct learning begins with unlearning wrong attitudes. The question is – ‘Do we walk our talk or just talk our talk”. Do I really go through every day with the right attitude? I’m still working on it – how about you? blessings.

  35. Nothing need distract us from hearing the voice of our essence, which is always the right attitude for each moment, Belinda. I sense you know that. blessings.

  36. Hi Rob. Thanks for this article. Great tips there. I have to constantly remind myself that my attitude is entirely up to me. That was a totally foreign concept before I started on my Mind Adventure. Learning that I can be accountable for my attitude is huge. I still like to blame others when I get agitated but the difference is at the end of the day I can reflect and really take responsibility and know that tomorrow is a new day to get back on the horse.

  37. Great message this week Rob. “Poor me is mental trash.” How true. People may accuse me of being gruff or hard lipped but I rarely wallow in Poor Me. When life has tried to put me down, I take pride in rising to the occasion. I have to remind myself that it isn’t always about hard work and struggle. I’m learning to stop and smell the roses now that I’m retired.

  38. Rob,
    If we take responsibility for only our attitude it would be enough to bring us all the happiness and love we need in our world. Then we’d reflect it back to others as well. Isn’t life grand?

  39. I think our talk becomes out walk after a while. What we say and really want to become, turns into our reality eventually. Maybe not instantly. But if we stick to it. Our persona will be more optimistic and less pessimistic. It just takes time. Thats the problem. People don’t realize affirmations and visualizations take time to harbor inside our minds. If you want to be optimistic after being pessimistic for 30 years in 30 days, your out of luck. But if you stick with it. In a few years time, you’ll be so happy and joyful, you won’t know what to do with yourself.

  40. When it comes to ones attitude, Roger, we must be alertly watchful of the course it is taking at all times. You are noticing this. Thank you.

  41. Now that you’re retired, Georgie, you have more time for faithful self-examination; many rewards come from this. blessings

  42. How can we aid humanity? By aiding our own self-work. How do we do that? Pay attention to our attitude and work on changing it when necessary. Nice tip, Tess. thank you

  43. Boy, I tell ya it seems like such a simple thing to do but it is tough. Taking responsibility for my attitude is still so new to me it is hard to practice. My bad moods have me running around like a chicken with my head cut off. When they take over I am just not in control at all. I do see how I can be responsible after the fact but I’m sick and tired of falling back into them in the blink of an eye.

  44. Hi Rob, I love the clarity you have here this week. It’s a crazy game we play with ourselves. We think things will be better when I have x,y,z, but x,y,z never comes so our attitude stays in the gutter. It’s like “Waiting for Godot” … there is a certain insanity and absurdity in waiting for something to come along and fix everything. Learning to take 100% responsible for EVERYTHING is the single biggest thing we can do to really grow.

  45. Wow, You go Rob. It really gets to me when people always find someone or something to blame. What I have found that there are always lesson to learn and you sit around and blame something or someone else it is going to keep happening until you learn to take responsibility for your own life. The right attitude will change your life.

    Thanks for all the reminders and great post.

  46. Hi Rob,
    There’s always a time and a place for things and this article IS the right time and place for me. I’ve gone through my working life with challenges that seem to return time and time again. Often in the past these have created high stress and depression. I’m in one of those challenges right now. I’ve found it really hard this week, but I HAVE changed my attitude. There is still much to learn on this. It’s a hard task to approach, but there is movement for me. I’ve developed a lot of material that I deliver to my clients and have learned this week how hard it can be to accept changing attitude when challenged. That is a real learning process for me. (I’ve basically taken myself aside to abide by my own advice).
    Like I said, it’s really hard, but liberating too. I feel much wiser than I have been before.
    Thank you for a great article.

  47. YO What up ROBBO. I always spring out of bed ready to GO. That the way I roll, son! I refuse to waste time being one of those downers who are always shuffling around. When you keep your ATTITUDE SOARING you are always ROARING. YOu can use that if you want!! Peace OUT SON!!!

  48. Hi Rob! I’m on board with the accountability theory. In fact, I often practice the new Ho’oponopono which is a Hawaiian system of 100% responsibility for everything, I mean everything. We’re responsible not only for how we act and our thoughts but also for what others bring to us since it’s a reflection of what’s actually going on inside of us. Using cleaning tools we can release the old patterns we play to have a cleaner, empowering picture of our reality.
    Thanks for your wisdom and for this post full of gems. Loving blessings!

  49. The attempt to escape the problem of ‘bad moods’ is the problem, Ramone. Here is the logic in this. When we try to escape what we do not want, we divide ourselves in two. There’s the part of us running from it and the part of us caught in it. We will discuss this in future blogs. thank you

  50. Have you ever noticed how so many folks offer the same old cures for problems, but one of the cures is missed = hold yourself responsible for it, and you empower yourself to resolve it. Nice, Salty! thank you

  51. When we permit self-renewal to do its improvement work every moment, life becomes a fascinating journey, Debbie. Right attitude permits this (as you’ve indicated). thank you

  52. Thank you for your honesty, Marty; it is psychologically refreshing. When we are one with ourself, our acts do not oppose our naturally optimistic attitude – easier said than done (I am still working on it). blessings

  53. I love your attitude in this comment, Magic Marc; let your mind ring with the declaration, “When attitude is soaring, I’m ROAR-ing!” NICE. Thank you

  54. I love your 100% responsible philosophy, Andrea; we are not required to surrender ourselves to ‘poor me’ thinking for any reason … INDEED. blessings

  55. I think that when we are in a peaceful state all good shows up for us. Even the smallest agitation have to give us pause to consider, “why did I attract that.” When I meditate on my sour moods I am able to get to the root of the problem. It is very often not what I originally thought it was. I use my bad moods as a trigger to pause, meditate, breathe & calm myself.

  56. Rob: I loved this post and this message. I really appreciated what you said about breaking through the habitual way of thinking and your usual responses. I think this is such an important thing to focus on and consistently do. It is so easy to fall into the trap of doing things the way we always have and repeating bad habits. We really are responsible for our attitude and how we choose to handle and respond to situations will determine how we live our life. Thanks for the great wisdom and insight this morning.

  57. Asoka was an emperor in ancient India who was know for practicing the principles that he preached in public. He was known as a noble man. If you are living what you are saying, then you match the company of Asoka, and I applaud you, Alicia. I’ve not yet attained that level. blessings

  58. Our responses to life give us our experiences of life, Sibyl. So many folks do not take responsiblity for this fact. When we discipline our responses we enter a new inner world! thank you for noticing that.

  59. Hi Rob, I just love, love, love “TIP #3: When you observe how others are stumbling because of their attitude, do so for ending the stumbling in yourself. What attitude is that person teaching you NOT to have?” For the longest time I would resent people who were always failing and just barely making it in life. Eventually I saw the light and realized that I hate their guts because they were exactly what I hated about myself. When I vowed resolutely to make something of myself I started to notice MY bad habits – the same habits that other people had that used to make me resent THEM. And it worked! I became a Hell of a good salesman. Just think, I used to hate “new-agey” people now I love this conversation. Thanks again.

  60. Impress your mind with responsible mental behavior by refusing bad advice (like resenting others that are caught in a bad attitude), and you find yourself free of the mental jungle of trouble. Nice work, Richard. thank you

  61. I just had to comment this week and tell you that this blog affected my thinking all week. I just kept reminding myself to be accountable. Just keeping that in mind totally kept me on the up and up. You do great work here. I hope you are selling a ton of books :) … I’ve got mine.

  62. Great post. I think it is amazing how powerful a simple mindset can be. By simply forcing yourself to think about something, you subconsciously train yourself to act out your thoughts.

    For example, I recently read an article that encouraged readers to think about 3 reasons they were lucky that day. As a result, readers found themselves more lucky. By simply thinking about how you are lucky, you increase your luck.

    It made me think of what else this sort of thinking could be applied to, and I think your article expanded even more on this topic.

    Thanks for the informative material, keep up the great work.

  63. Thank you, Wynton, yes the book is selling nicely, and I am very enthusiastic about my second book R.O.A.R. which will be out soon. Thank you for dropping in.

  64. Make daring your way of life by thinking of fifty reason why you are lucky … imagine the luck that will flood you then! blessings

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